Win them over in 90 seconds or less…
Meeting new people can be tough. It often involves awkward silences, painful small talk and furtive eye contact. We’ve all been in this situation, hoping that the ground will open up and swallow us whole.
Faced with this situation it’s no wonder we often shy away from making new friends or investing in our relationships with colleagues, preferring to stick to our familiar social groupings and avoid engaging with people we don’t yet know.
However, making new connections is hugely beneficial, not just because it broadens our social circle but because it teaches us to develop our interpersonal skills – the skills that we use to interact, engage with and win over other people. These interpersonal skills are hugely important in all walks of life, particularly in business where we want to make a good impression right away.
If we don’t create that initial spark with someone in the first few minutes, it may prove impossible to spark any personal connection in the future. So it’s clear being able to make a profound personal impact with someone is a vital skill to harness, and luckily it is one that can be easily learnt!
Here are 6 top tips on how to make a personal connection within the first 90 seconds of meeting someone.
Short on time? Head straight to our Key Takeaways at the bottom of the page.
1. Ensure Open Body Language
People draw their first impression of us before we’ve even opened our mouths, which is why it all starts with our body language. We want our posture to create a warm connection with the other person. We do this by being open rather than closed. Opening up your body to the other person shows that you are keen to connect with them.
Tip: Think of this as quite literally opening up your heart to the other person – your shoulders are back and your chest is out towards them. This helps build mutual trust and confidence. Closed body language, such as turning away or folding our arms across our chest, is much more likely to express negativity, resistance and impatience to the other person.
Body language is also about our facial expressions. Try to keep an open, clear face and maintain eye contact (if this is comfortable for you). We want to create a warm, light and friendly atmosphere and your face has a big role to play in this.
Finally, remember to keep a consistency across all of our body language. If your eyes aren’t matching what your body is saying then people will pick up on it. These inconsistencies can be unnerving in the opening moments of meeting someone.
2. Sound Friendly and Positive
We want our verbal, visual and vocal cues to all line up. Our voice will be the next thing people take onboard after our body language so remember to keep your tone of voice charming and friendly. If you are saying something positive but your tone of voice doesn’t reflect that it is confusing and awkward.
Tip: Try to come up with a strong opening line. This reduces pressure when meeting someone for the first time. Speak clearly and don’t rush. If you have to repeat your name because they didn’t hear it then you are disrupting the flow and connection.
Once you’ve told them your name, encourage them to tell you theirs. As soon as they give it to you, repeat the name out loud so you can remember it. Try and use their name as often as possible in the first few minutes of meeting so it becomes embedded into your brain. You don’t want to end up in that dreaded situation where you’ve forgotten someone’s name but it’s gone too far to ask them what it was!
3. Adopt the Right Mental Attitude
Psychology is just as important as body language when it comes to making an immediate personal connection with someone new. This means having the right mental attitude when meeting someone.
Focus on the positive things you might gain from the interaction, and try to remember that you also have value and interesting things to say too! So there will be benefits to the other person from their interaction with you. Human beings are social creatures so engaging with new people has the power to be a positive experience for both of you.
Worrying about how badly this interaction might go will result in a negative mindset which will translate to our body language and subliminally put up barriers to our connection with the other person.
Tip: Lead with curiosity rather than entertaining any worries. Curiosity about the other person can help drive our positive engagement when meeting someone new. When we are in a more open and curious headspace it is likely to positively impact our body language and facial expressions, making us even more likeable and engaging.
4. Ask Open Ended Questions
So far we’ve used physical, mental and verbal tools to make an immediately positive impact. Now we want to develop an engaging conversation to learn more about the other person. The best way to do this is by asking questions. This creates opportunities to learn more about the other person, it also often prompts unexpected tangents that can drive a conversation in new, exciting directions.
To generate a genuinely dynamic connection we need to ask the right questions. We want to ask questions that open people up rather than close them down.
Tip: Closed questions usually involve a Yes or No answer. Open ended questions usually begin with WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY and HOW… For example ‘Who’ works in your team?, ‘What’ are you doing at the weekend?, ‘Where’ were you living before you moved here?, ‘When’ do you expect to have the project completed?, ‘Why’ do you think things have been so busy here?, ‘How’ are you finding your new role?.
These questions invite the other person to open up and reveal something more. They can also help you to find common ground and genuine connection to develop that immediate rapport. So try to use open questions when starting a conversation.
5. Listen Attentively
So you’ve asked an open question. Now you need to really listen to the other person’s answer. Listening attentively is so important. We’re not just listening to the words the other person says, but what they’re actually saying. We’re trying to understand the emotions and feelings that the person is revealing. By understanding this we can better empathise with them and find a deeper connection.
To do this, you need to use more than just your ears: engage your whole body. Turn to face them and make eye contact. React positively, by nodding and smiling, to the parts you agree with. If you find yourself nodding intermittently without actually agreeing with the other person then you’re not genuinely listening to them, and will come across as fake.
Be careful not to interrupt or talk over the other person. Also, give it a moment after they finish speaking in case they go on to say something else. Allow yourself a moment to pause before responding too. This will give you a chance to think about what you’re going to say before you speak. We want to respond in the best possible manner. We do this by linking what we say next to what we’ve just heard.
Tip: Use the ‘Yes and’ improv technique to do this. This means taking onboard what someone has just said and adding to it in some way, rather than ignoring it or changing the subject (otherwise known as ‘Blocking’). The ‘Yes’ part refers to acknowledging what has been said by the other person, followed by the ‘and’ part which involves making an offer that deepens the conversation.
When acknowledging what they’ve said, try to mirror their thoughts and feelings. If they’re negative about a situation we don’t want to be overwhelmingly positive, and vice versa.
6. End on a High
The last few moments of an encounter are most likely to be the ones that our new acquaintance remembers the most. Leaving abruptly or in a negative headspace could undo all the hard work you put into making a strong connection with this new person.
So, try to leave the encounter with the same positive and friendly attitude with which you began.
Tip: Use warm body language and a friendly expression as you say your goodbyes. Mentally, put yourself in the head-space of thinking this was exactly the positive engagement you needed, and that you got exactly what you wanted!
Conclusion
Meeting new people can be challenging but, with the right approach, you can make a lasting personal impact within the first 90 seconds. By ensuring you have open body language, maintaining a friendly tone, adopting a positive mindset, asking open-ended questions, listening attentively, and ending the encounter on a high note, you can create meaningful connections that have positive impacts on both your personal and professional life. Developing these interpersonal skills not only enhances your social interactions but can also boost your confidence in a wide variety of settings.
Key Takeaways
Tip 1: Ensure Open Body Language
- Keep your shoulders back and your chest open to the other person.
- Avoid closed body language like crossed arms or turning away.
- Maintain consistency between this open body language and your facial expressions by keeping your face warm and engaged.
Tip 2: Sound Friendly and Positive
- Use a friendly, positive tone of voice, speak clearly and don’t rush.
- Repeat the other person’s name back to them when they introduce themselves, and say it several times in the first few minutes so it sticks.
Tip 3: Adopt the Right Mental Attitude
- Focus on the potential positive outcomes of this interaction.
- Approach the other person with open curiosity rather than entertaining any worries or listening to your inner critic.
Tip 4: Ask Open-Ended Questions
- Use open-ended questions starting with who, what, where, when, why, and how to discover common ground and build rapport.
Tip 5: Listen Attentively
- Engage fully with the speaker by making eye contact and reacting with non-verbal cues when something lands with you.
- Listen to what the other person is really saying, not just to their words but to the emotions and feelings they are conveying.
- Use the ‘Yes, and’ improv technique to acknowledge and build on what the other person says.
Tip 6: End on a High
- Conclude the conversation with the same positive and friendly attitude you started with, through your body language, facial expressions and tone of voice.
There are many other ways the qualities of improvisers have applications in business. You can read about how we use the principles of improv with our business clients here.
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