By Phoebe Kozinets
It’s December 6th!!! So basically already Christmas. Festive lights are shining all around London, merrily masking this month being- at times- dark and cold and sad. Tis the season of giggling drinking hot chocolate and desperately trying not to text that person you know you’re not supposed to text. The holidays are a weird one. The air for some is full of hope and cheer, cozy reflections on a joyful year and excitement for a fresh start to come. For others, the holidays are a stinging reminder of loss, grief, and the love we perceive ourselves to lack. For the majority of people, there’s a bit of both truths.
I was recently walking from our Hoopla teacher training in Liverpool Street to teach a beginners improv course in Holborn. Puffer jacket and over-the-ear headphones on, I was listening to voice memos from a best friend who lives 5442 miles away (yes I googled that). She was sharing the details of a massive loss she had just faced. As she described her feelings of deep grief in my ears, I walked into some of the most gorgeous and extravagant Christmas lights I had ever seen. There were arches made of shining stars, white and gold lights twinkling in my entire 360 radius. I admired the lights while listening to my dear friend’s heartbreak. It felt like a reminder from the universe that for every person experiencing a joyful beautiful moment, there is someone else experiencing deep pain. I think the way to get the closest to living as honestly as possible is to allow ourselves to honor all of the contradicting truths we feel in a single moment.
This is also why bringing our real lives onto the improv stage is so powerful! There is so much nuance that comes from telling your own story. We intrinsically understand all the layers we personally felt behind a single moment. Bringing our own specific moments of delight and tenderness into our scenes can allow for rich tapestries of relatable and honest scenework.
Every day there are moments of silly and simple joy to be found, if we can get in the habit of knowing where to look. Noticing and celebrating these moments (even if it is alongside a darker time) is instrumental to our SURVIVAL! This holiday season…. we MUST hold space for the lyrics of Defying Gravity AND all of the small joys we feel day to day!!!! Here are some recent moments that made me smile:
I made fried eggs on thick fresh sourdough and when I bit into it the egg yolk oozed out perfectly and there was exactly enough yolk on the plate to scoop up with my remaining bread!
I walked into M&S and they were playing Complicated by Avril Lavigne.
Window washers were washing the windows on my building of flats which meant for a day there were just men on bungee cords bouncing around directly outside my window.
360 by Charli xcx was my Dad’s 3rd top song on Spotify wrapped.
I saw Wicked a third time. (The big surprise in the Emerald City every time has made me shriek)
My mom told me she is planting flowers so they will bloom by the time I come to visit.
My flatmates had no idea of a single thing about Hanukkah and I got to explain the traditions of Hanukkah to their shock and awe.
My boss (Steve Roe) saying “slay queens.”
Listening to Rent on the stairmaster and no one else in the PureGym knows.
I complimented the security guy at M&S on his sparkly Christmas sweater and he looked me deep in the eyes and said “Thank you so much, that is so nice.”
And the most massive joy- teaching improv with Hoopla! If you are reading this and I have had you in a course please know that watching you play and be silly and brave has brought me gigantic amounts of happiness!!!
As December rolls on, I vow to do my best to feel all the many truths behind every moment, and notice how much there is to be grateful for. There is joy everywhere, and even as days get colder and shorter- my eyes are gonna be freaking open to it!!! I hope anyone reading is able to pay some extra attention to the small things that make them smile this month (and maybe they’ll happen in improv class!)
Elphaba, why couldn’t you have stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle! Love and light and whatever else you feel. Xoxo Phoebe.